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Feature

The most brutal reviews of Greater Manchester’s towns

These are ruthless…

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Bill Boaden / Geograph

While we definitely think Greater Manchester is the greatest place on earth, we can’t help but have a laugh at these terrible reviews of areas of our region.

ILiveHere.co.uk is a website specialising in providing terrible and brutally honest reviews of areas across the country, and each year it releases a list of the top ten worst places to live in the UK – here’s the list for 2021, if you’re interested.

We’ve hand-picked some of the best insults the site has dished out to areas across Greater Manchester – take it all with a pinch of salt and remember it’s just a laugh!

Credit: G-Man

Mossley

In an article titled ‘Mossley, home of ‘Who’s got the most toes competition’ you can imagine what the rest of the review was like.

In a small section that’s without profanities, the review describes the town with a nod to evolution: “Darwin clearly left Mossley out when he wrote origin of species.” Not exactly something you’ll see on a poster board for the town…

Credit: Martin Clark / Saddleworth Church / CC BY-SA 2.0

Saddleworth

The reviews of Saddleworth are all pretty similar in their incredibly derogatory comments.

This one sums it up: “Saddleworthians are easily spotted in a crowd amongst their fellower Oldhamer’s. They’re the ones who have fake accents, no wit and a false sense of superiority. Yes if you like a bit of bullsh*t and self congratulations you’re in for a treat.”

Credit: Andrew Stopford / Flickr

Rochdale

Unfortunately, Rochdale has made the site’s top 10 worst places to live in the entire country list two years running.

Most of the reviews see some pretty catty comments about the inhabitants of Rochdale, with one stating: “Majority of the residents disdain this town. The sole act of living here, and even being associated with Rochdale is a disgrace. Not for trivial, but rather major reasons. In fact, the (not so) respectful residents may just happen to be the contributory factor!

“Possessors of low IQ, users of unknown speech codes, devoted to ‘grime’ and overly fond of drugs, in particular marijuana- are few of the admirable traits and practices common among the youth.”

Ouch…

Credit: Keith Williamson

Harpurhey

All I know of this place is to avoid it, and this review seems to agree: “When me mam told me we were moving to Harpurhey in 2002, I was devastated.

“When she showed me the estate we were going to move on to I tried to throw myself under the 52 bus. Unfortunately it never turned up on time, I don’t think it ever has since. Here lies the problems with Harpurhey.”

Credit: Andrew Stopford / Flickr

Bolton

One of my few experiences of Bolton involves venturing to a nightclub called J2. I got attacked by a girl for looking at her in a takeaway, after being served triangle shapes of buttered toast in J2 a few hours earlier. Great times.

This reviewer really isn’t a fan of the place either: “Superficially at first the greenery, rivers Croal and Irwell seem appealing… unfortunately, soon you have a suspicion that all is not as it appears-in fact the whole place gives the impression of nature reclaiming post-holocaust man-made destruction, the greenery taking from direct sight the utter ruination wrought by hundreds of years of poisoning the land, and utter despoliation of the environment.

“The place has a sort of chemical stink…a miasma…even on the freshest of days.”

Credit: Eugene Regis / Flickr

Salford

Salford has come a long way in recent years so I’m going to guess this review was left a while back, probably by someone from Walkden: “Charles Darwin would have had a field day here, as Salford not merely proves the theory of evolution but actually allows a casual observer to witness the process in reverse.”

Credit: Andrew Stopford / Flickr

Stockport

This one really paints a picture of the home town of Blossoms, maybe it was left before the Plaza had a revamp: “The average Stopfordian seems to roll out of his bed around eleven, take a 192 – or better still a deathtrap Corsa with a stolen stereo more powerful than it’s engine – down to sign on and then simply hangs around in the town.

“They aren’t even entertaining like the drunks in Manchester they’re just, well… ****!”

Credit: Rept0n1x

Bury

I’ve never ventured to Bury so I can’t vouch for how true this one might be: “Bury has its own perfume – Eau de Weed which is particularly noticeable between the Spotted Cow and the Old Crow on Bell Lane.”

Credit: Parrot of Doom

Stretford

Widely recognised as the next victim of gentrification, here’s a cracking and detailed review of the south Manchester suburb: “The local park is full of teenagers who have broken the children’s climbing frames. These teens are usually swearing their heads of pissed off white ace and that’s just on a Monday afternoon.

“The local council then put a murder tape round it for nearly two years. The people who cant escape have taken to impaling themselves just to end it all.”

What you waiting for, get on the property ladder here and cash in?!

Credit: Gerald England / 28-32 Wallgate, Wigan / CC BY-SA 2.0

Wigan

Honestly, I’ve only ever been to Wigan once and I went to Spoons, so my view of it wasn’t too dissimilar to this review: “The hub of the pissed-up activity at the weekend is King Street, a place where (to nobody’s surprise) there seems to be a murder once every couple of years.

“The road is closed to traffic every Friday and Saturday night, giving the drunken oafs the freedom to lurch around trying to find the taxis that aren’t allowed to drive down that road, or the takeaways that apparently aren’t allowed to serve anything that won’t make you ill for a couple of days.”

Credit: Rept0n1x

Droylsden

This is my hometown so I can say what I want about this shithole. Enjoy this considerably kind review: “Let us begin with the very heart of Droylsden – the precinct. Dominated by the vast grey concrete tumour that is the Concord Suite.

“A building so hideous that to gaze upon it leaves a stain on the scorched retinas of the observer. Imagine if you will, a building so hideous it makes the newly built Tameside Council Pension offices look like Cologne Cathedral.”

The square has got a little better since the Silly Country opened, still…

Credit: Rept0n1x

Wythenshawe

This one makes you do that deep breath in you do through your teeth when someone says something a bit risque: “It actually has some decent shops here to be honest, well catered for the masses of ball bags, moaning about paying 5p for a JD bag they’ll use for the rest of their lives until the black paint has come off and it looks like a dandruff encrusted version of it’s former self, sleeveless bubble coats to match.”

So there you have it some of the most brutal and degrading reviews of Greater Manchester we could find – we still love it though.

You can read more ruthless reviews here. If you’re offended, please please please, don’t let us know in the Facebook comments.

Feature

Affleck’s is home to the last remaining cassette tape shop in the UK

It’s 2021, and cassette tapes are going nowhere…

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Remember the humble cassette tape? Those clunky bits of plastic wound up with tape containing all your favourite songs waiting to be played in your bedside cassette decks?

Well, while they may seem like a distant memory to most of us (or completely pre-historic to you younger readers), it turns out they’re still quite the hit for one shop right here in Manchester.

Mars Tapes, located in the vibrant and eclectic Affleck’s Palace, was opened by friends Alex Tadross, Giorgio Carbone, and Borja Reguira who all shared a passion for retro music. But their love for cassette tapes in particular came when the group started their own music label, Sour Grapes, in 2017.

Alex told the MEN: “All three of us have been musicians and in bands, done gigs, and been on the local scene before we launched the label. We kind of specialised in doing cassettes for local bands, and European garage rock bands, and that kind of turned into this shop.”

The group found vinyl to be a little too expensive to produce music on, and no one was interested in CDs, so they turned to the next best thing: cassettes.

Alex explained: “It was all about affordability at first really. Vinyl runs can cost up to £1,000 to £2,000 to do depending on how many you want to release.”

And, despite everyone getting their music fix via Spotify or Apple Music (guilty) these days, demand for cassettes is surprisingly high, with Alex saying that business couldn’t be better.

“We started selling them here in Affleck’s and we got more and more stock, and became an authentic cassette shop. And we like to think we’re unique and that we’re the last one.”

Mars Tapes now boasts an incredible selection of music, including ‘New music,’ which includes an array of brand new, unopened and newly released tapes from the likes of Chic, Bjork, Florence and the Machine and Lewis Capaldi.

Though for those with a somewhat more vintage taste in music, fear not! Customers will also be able to find some golden oldies, too, such as The Beatles, Elvis and The Rolling Stones.

There’s also a ‘Manc Bands’ shelf with tapes from Take That, Simply Red, New Order, and even current chart-toppers Blossoms’ last album ‘Foolish Lovin’ Spaces.’

There’s even a selection of cassette tapes brought back from a holiday in Cairo, limited edition tapes ‘from around the world’, pop, rock, compilations, radio shows, ‘songs for the bedroom’ and plenty more.

So, when you next come across a dusty cassette tape in your bedroom drawer, make sure you bring it down to Mars Tapes, because they’ll definitely buy it off you.

To stay up to date with their wonderful cassette finds and offerings, follow their official Instagram page and drop a visit to their website… Or, just pop into Affleck’s when you’re next in town. I’d recommend the latter.

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Feature

The amazing reason Manchester has an Abraham Lincoln statue and square in the city centre

Believe it or not, the statue isn’t just there to brighten the place up…

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Anthony Parkes / Geograph & Waymarking.com

Located just off Albert Square in the smaller, more easily missed location of Lincoln Square, there stands a statue of the late US President Abraham Lincoln.

But why?

You’d be forgiven for being a little puzzled at the presence of an American politician who seemingly has no connection or place in our city, especially in a location as quiet and hidden away as Lincoln Square is.

But, as it turns out, the statue stands tall today as a poignant reminder for the role Victorian Manchester played in the US Civil War and the eventual abolishment of slavery.

David Dixon / Geograph

Let’s start from the beginning: As the largest processor of cotton in the world at the time, Manchester took a strong moral and political stance by supporting President Lincoln, despite his blockade of the Confederate states and the cotton supply beginning in April 1861.

Even though Manchester and its surrounding areas found a huge proportion (an estimated 60%) of its mills were struggling to stay afloat, largely as a result of the blockade, in a meeting at the Manchester Free Trade Hall in 1862 workers agreed to maintain their support for Lincoln – who was aiming to out-manoeuvre the Confederate states, win the civil war and ultimately abolish the US slave trade.

In supporting Lincoln and the Union the working people of Manchester had selflessly put their principles ahead of their own economic self-interest, leading to unemployment and hardship for the workers.

Thomas Hawk / Flickr

President Lincoln wrote a letter in 1863 to thank the people of Manchester for their support – the letter, currently held by Manchester Libraries, Information and Archives, reads: “When I came, on the 4th of March, 1861, through a free and constitutional election to preside in the Government of the United States, the country was found at the verge of civil war.

“Whatever might have been the cause, or whosesoever the fault, one duty, paramount to all others, was, before me, namely, to maintain and preserve at once the Constitution and the integrity of the Federal Republic.”

Just two years later and months after the US Congress passed the Thirteenth Amendment which officially abolished slavery, Lincoln was assassinated. 

Despite his death, however, Lincoln continued to be regarded as somewhat of a Mancunian legend so, shortly after the First World War, a statue in his memory was sculpted by George Grey Bernard. The original statue was completed in 1916 and exhibited in New York before its sponsor, wealthy businessman Charles Taft from Cincinatti, said he would pay for a replica to be erected in England.

The statue was actually intended to stand outside the Houses of Parliament, in a tribute from the United States marking 100 years of peace between the two countries. However, the American sculptors’ depiction of a ‘vigorous pose’ was far too controversial for London’s tastes at the time, so the statue subsequently came to Manchester where it remains today.

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The monument was initially unveiled at Platt Fields Park, where it remained until the late 1980s before being moved and mounted on a new pedestal in its home today, Lincoln Square. 

And, in 2013, after years of enduring pollution and dirt build-up, the plaque was eventually cleaned and the message to the people of Manchester was revealed at long last.

It reads: “The support that the working people of Manchester gave in their fight for the abolition of slavery during the American Civil War… By supporting the union under President Lincoln at a time when there was an economic blockade of the southern states the Lancashire cotton workers were denied access to raw cotton which caused considerable unemployment throughout the cotton industry.”

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Feature

NEW OPENING: The Manchester pop-up serving waffles, fried chicken and lobster boxes

Manchester’s newest opening is built upon the roots of good old fashioned home cooking

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The newest addition to Manchester’s already extensive food scene is giving the humble chicken burger a very syrupy makeover.

WaffleStop opened its first ever pop-up kitchen just last week, but was born during lockdown as a virtual dark kitchen with a focus on good, old-fashioned home cooking with a twist. The brains behind the unique chicken-waffle-barbecue concept, Moss Side-born Georgia Patrick, came up with the idea for her brand when cooking for her partner.

Speaking to Proper Manchester, Georgia detailed how the inspiration for WaffleStop was born, crediting her love for home-made, high quality and unique food. She said: “I’m not really the type of person who always wants to go out for date nights, sometimes I prefer to just sit in and make a nice meal.

WaffleStop

“So on our anniversary a couple of years ago, I asked my partner what he wanted to eat, and he suggested ‘American fusion.’ There, I thought to myself, why don’t I make my own waffle chicken burger?”

From there, Georgia got to work researching various recipes for barbecue sauce, eventually coming up with her own unique recipe and creating her own waffle sauce. Initially using frozen waffles from the supermarket, Georgia made her first waffle burger and it proved to be a huge hit. She explained: “My brother came around to try it and when he loved it, that sparked the idea to start selling them.”

From there, she started making her own waffles from scratch and, with her business partners, brother Jerome Patrick and Dominic Cook, began putting together a full menu and business plan.

Thanks to the ongoing lockdowns last year, however, WaffleStop was forced to operate as a virtual dark kitchen – but now that Manchester has officially reopened, WaffleStop has secured a residency at The Progress Centre in Ardwick as a pop up.

WaffleStop

Since then, the menu has expanded massively; as well as her trademark waffle chicken burger, there are the likes of mac ‘n’ cheese, chicken wings, and even seafood additions such as chilli jerk glazed prawns and barbecue glazed lobster tail. There are also meat-free alternatives for vegetarian and vegan customers such as the Cali Burger, which includes a southern-fried cauliflower with sweet-chilli sauce.

Speaking of the unique menu, Georgia explained: “A menu highlight is definitely our lobster tail which is served with our signature barbecue sauce. The lobster tail comes as part of our Waffle Box deal, which comes with seasoned corn and two slices of waffle.

“The fusion-fried rice is also really popular, as are our honey-nut strips and honey-nut waffle burgers, which all give a sweet-but-savory twist to the menu.”

WaffleStop

Other box combinations include the Beach Box, which consists of loaded white chocolate and strawberry waffles, sweet chilli jerk salmon and seasoned corn, and the Baby Box, a smaller portion of white chocolate waffles and seasoned corn and a smaller price for those not wanting to break the bank.

WaffleStop is open Tuesday – Saturday, 12pm-8pm at the Progress Centre in Ardwick and operates on a strictly order and pick up basis only (though a sit down restaurant is on the cards for the future.)

WaffleStop, CheeseTrap and SugarBabez can all be found at the Progress Centre in Ardwick. For more information and to place your order, visit the official WaffleStop Instagram account here.

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