The weird everyday things we all secretly do but never admit to

There are a lot of things we all do when we’re alone that no one fully admits to.

You know that fake laugh you do when you’ve completely zoned out and stopped listening to someone when they’re talking, so you just awkwardly laugh instead?

Well, there’s no need to be embarrassed anymore because it turns out everyone does the exact same thing.

We’ve made a list of all the best ones. Let us know if you do them too (you do).

Holding your breath when you walk past someone on the stairs to pretend you’re not knackered

We’ve all done it, acted like we’re a healthy individual when we’re actually absolutely puffed walking up just one flight of stairs. 

Keeping your eyes closed when you go to the toilet at night to not lose any ‘sleepiness’

Going to the toilet at night is a monumental task, you really have to psych yourself up to get out of your comfy cocoon, even when you’re absolutely bursting.

Do you ever start the song again because you zoned out? 

You know when you get half way through and realise you’ve not given the masterpiece enough attention, so you have to restart it? I’ve done this three times in a row once. 

We all pretend to not notice the money in a birthday card

You know exactly what I mean for this one, you open the card, actually put your finger on the notes to hold it up, read the carefully written message from your nan as she stares patiently at you, waiting for your face to light up when you notice the money. It’s a beautiful act of caring, really. 

Acting surprised when someone offers you a snack, when they are offering the whole room

You know EXACTLY what I mean here. It’s usually accompanied by an ‘Oooohh’, *big smile*, and then a ‘thanks so much’. Sometimes you might add a comment in like ‘these are my favourites’. We’re just too damn polite. 

Pretending you have a lot more money than you do 

This isn’t even a mean one. You know when you ask what the price of something is, even though the fact it doesn’t have a price tag on means you definitely can’t afford it? Then they tell you the price, which is way over your budget and you have to pretend like you’re still debating it. 

You will usually end up saying ‘Thanks, I’ll think about it’. No you won’t. Get outta there.

When you ordered something three minutes ago

If you’re not doing this everyday in lockdown, you’re not doing it right. 

Texting ‘LMAO!!!!! OMG I’m SCreeamminngggg’ back when you barely even loled

Who has time to laugh anyway!!!?!

When you turn the volume down so you can spot a free car parking space

The best bit about this one is that we all used to watch our mums do it. Complain. Then we learned how to drive and now we do it. 

When you can’t sleep so you workout exactly how many hours, minutes and seconds of sleep you would get if you fell asleep right now.

“If I fall asleep right now I’ll get 6 hours, 12 minutes and 32 seconds, 31 seconds, 30 seconds”. Maybe it’s a modern way of counting sheep. And by modern I mean since clocks existed.

Alternatively, when you wake up, check the clock and realise you still have 4 more hours before your alarm so have a mini celebration. Props to you if that includes a little laydown dance. 

When you zone out while driving and wonder how you just got through those three roundabouts

When you’re back from your daydream you panic, check your speed to see if you’re over the limit, stress about how many red lights you’ve just run and generally wonder who the hell gave you a driving license. 

Waiting for your phone to stop ringing you so you can start using it again… 

Do you ever just stare at it ringing and wait until it stops? iPhones have that wonderful feature too that means it stops making noise or vibrating but doesn’t count as you hanging up. It’s so frustrating that someone would interrupt your game on Candy Crush to caaaaallll you. Who even calls these days anyway?! 

When you leave a shop without buying something and have to remind yourself you are, in fact, innocent

Why do we panic about this so much? You didn’t stick a Microwave down your pants, DON’T WORRY!! Something didn’t accidentally fall in your bag either. 

That weird half-smile you give to strangers

Don’t even pretend like you don’t do this one. Every single person is guilty of this. It’s the type of smile that really stretches your lips and absolutely definitely does not show any teeth. Why can’t we smile at strangers with our teeth? Or in fact, just our normal smile??

This smile is also used a lot in offices. You know these people, you could probably recite their email address right now if I asked you to, but smile at them with teeth?!? Say hello?!! GOD NO! 

Turns out, we’re all still doing it even in the pandemic! Actually, chloeplumstead did a poll over on her Instagram recently which proved people are inclined to do the stranger nod/smile in the pandemic more than ever. Even some people in London are doing it, if you can believe that. 

When your online shopping comes to £435.97 but the £4.99 shipping is too much

THE AUDACITY. The most bizarre thing about this is we’d all rather pay for an annual delivery fee for something we will probably never order again than pay that £4.99.

Everyone’s a suspect when you’ve lost the remote 

That person could quite literally not have moved in four days from that seat but you will still make them stand up when you’ve lost the remote…. ‘it could’ve fallen DOWN!!!’ I’ve heard families have broken up over lost remotes. 

Do you ever just… 

WHAT IS WRONG WITH US ALL???